Posts Tagged ‘Moving forward’


Hey everyone,

Now I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet… far from it, it would seem. Life as the title of the post states–just keeps on rolling. Since the last time you checked in with me, life decided to throw a fit.

I started my prep course for Criminal Justice, and it was going perfectly– so perfectly in fact i just knew deep down something was going to go wrong. Sure enough it did, and it came with a phone call from my mother who lives three-thousand-kilometers away from me. (that’s about 1864 Miles for you american readers…)

I was diligently doing my homework (a phrase I hadn’t thought i’d use again since i walked out of highschool) when the phone rang. My mom dropped a bomb on me that I didn’t think was possible.

My grandfather was in the hospital.

Of course I knew it could happen, it happens to everyone (unless you’re very lucky) at least once. Heck I’ve been there for life threatening condition… twice. However when you idolize someone, especially when they have never seemed to get sick, or have any real flaws ever, you think they are indestructible. As I am sure you have surmised so far, that was how I looked at my grandfather… needless to say I was devastated, and we still didn’t know what the diagnosis was.

Later that evening I called my mother back to check in, and my Aunt told me the news that utterly shattered me like I have never been shattered before.

My grandfather had stage four Colon cancer.

The next morning at 6:30, I was boarding a plane headed back to Ontario. I spent the next three weeks in a perpetual state of unknowing. Would he survive today, would he not? Was he getting better? Did anyone get better from cancer that far progressed?

Grief is a strange emotion, but even stranger when you’re not even aware you’re grieving.

He got better, at least his pain was under manageable control, and he was allowed to go home. I spent another week at his side, and then I had to fly home. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, saying goodbye and actually meaning I’ll never see you again.

Twenty Four hours later he was back in the hospital, and less than seventy two hours later he was gone.

Since I’ve been back home I’ve been living in a state of numbness. As if the grief was all grieved out, and I couldn’t cry anymore. My writing has gone nowhere and I have restarted my Prep Course. Live is rolling onward, but I feel as if I have been barely moving anywhere.

It’s a disorienting feeling, and rather odd for me. I am a person who stows the metaphorical crap, yet even still this numbness isn’t something I am used to. So while working through my own emotional Stability(?) I have been trying to keep my eye on the prize of my criminal justice prep course– however I have had to restart and that is defeating in and of itself.

Yet, as the nights grow colder, and the September summer in Calgary is coming to a close, I feel the refreshing air on my face, and pulled all of my winter clothes out of the storage (early is best I learned last year). I slowly feel as if I am waking up.

Maybe with this course and moving forward with my plans, the season will pick me up and deliver me into the hands of the ever fickle muses– and maybe just maybe you’ll get a Nanowrimo post update every week. (That is the Nanowrimo Novel!Whatever that may be… )

Anyway, Thank you for understanding my lack of posting for the last while, and thank you even further for listening (or rather reading) my little venting blurb.

I am sure there will be more venting occurring as I shift my focus to Nano, and then again to first year Criminal Justice. Oh and lets not forget to mention the psychotic nature of my own writing endeavours.

Trying to continue writing,

Trisha Ellen

It isn't the destination, it's how you get there...

It isn’t the destination, it’s how you get there…